I relapsed a couple of days ago.
I’ve been in a funk ever since.
It had been about a week since my last relapse. I was feeling pretty good.
I’m not sure exactly what happened. Maybe I gave the thought too much attention.
Hopefully I’ll feel better by Monday.
Have a good weekend.
My porn addiction.
Yup, it’s still there.
I don’t talk about it much.
I’m sure it’s part of the reason I feel like I don’t deserve a better life.
I feel bad about myself.
I relapse again to try to feel better.
That’s the thing. In the moment it feels good.
After a few relapses I start becoming numb to the shame. Like wading out into cold water. At first it’s shocking. Painful. Until you get used to it.
Then I get lazy for a while.
And there’s the part that doesn’t even want to quit. The part that enjoys it. It’s like eating an all-candy diet. It’s terrible for you, but it tastes good in the moment.