“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
I’m not as productive as I’d like to be. Who is?
I spend a good amount of time reading.
And I’ve been writing. Drawing. Painting.
I go for the occasional walk.
I’ve also spent quite a bit of time with my boys. That’s always good.
Not all my time is spent so wisely, though.
I spend hours sitting and thinking.
Spending too much time in the past.
It’s good to learn from the past.
But not to live there.
I need to get out and do more.
I knew it was extreme. I set an extreme goal on purpose.
I’m not trying to set a realistic goal. I’m trying to stretch myself.
Explaining my present situation may help.
I’m usually alone in the mornings. I write, do my mirror work, listen to uplifting music, read uplifting books, list things I’m happy about/grateful for, etc.
It’s easy to be positive during those times.
Most days I see my boys. This is one of the things I’m most grateful for.
They and their mother live with their grandparents.
These are not positive people. Not by a long shot. These are angry, bitter people, who have no interest in improving themselves.
By the time I leave I’ve been taken down a few notches. It’s worth it to spend time with my boys. I love seeing them, and they love seeing me. I hope my efforts are helping them.
I’m looking forward to meeting super positive people. People who will be a bigger influence on me than the negative people in my life.
Until then, I do what I can.
Is it just imposter syndrome?
Am I really an imposter?
I’ve been writing about success. From my mom’s basement.
I’ve been writing about some pretty highfalutin concepts. Concepts I have little-to-no personal experience with.
I think I need to start from the ground floor.
So you’ve got a lot of pent-up negativity.
I hear ya. Me too.
One thing that helps me is writing “Morning Pages.” I don’t usually get them done in the morning.
“Morning Pages” is (is?) one of the assignments in
Julia Cameron’s . (No that’s not an affiliate link. Not yet anyway ;)) The Artist’s Way
Basically you write three pages, by hand, stream-of-consciousness style.
I’m not good about this. The last time I did this before today was March 3.
Mostly it’s complaints. “I’m cold.” “I’m tired.” “I’m sick of so-and-so’s BS.”
Once the most urgent complaints are out, I’ll start writing about what I want.
It’s like having an emotional bowel movement. (Sorry for that. It’s the best analogy I could think of.)
Once I do it I feel better. I feel even better if I’m consistent about it.
Just like you-know-what.
It’s not a replacement for therapy, especially if you’ve got serious emotional issues. But it feels good to unburden yourself.
Vent your negativity, without burdening someone else with it.
Maybe burn the pages after your done.
You’ll feel better.